The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a small, easy and quick read packed with wisdom. It’s transformational when you choose to implement any piece of it into your life. Here are a few practices to help you do just that!
First, you need to understand that the foundation for The Four Agreements is we are living in a dream based on false beliefs. The deepest of these beliefs is “I’m not enough” and therefore “I don’t deserve”. Who hasn’t said or thought – I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, out-going enough, popular enough, athletic enough, creative enough, or just plain good enough? This kind of thinking tends to lead to more falsehoods like I don’t deserve support, or success, or happiness, or abundance, or love. Watch any commercial or ad on the internet and its purpose is to remind you of this falsehood and provide exactly what you need to fill the void.
The Four Agreements are a gift to help you recognize these false beliefs and choose differently. With this awareness you are empowered to connect to the creative and whole being you truly are.
The first agreement is Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Defining Impeccable
Impeccable at its root means “without sin”. According to Miguel’s description “a sin is anything you do that goes against yourself.” This is especially true when it comes to judgement or blaming yourself. This way of thinking is different than faultless or flawless which tended to be how I thought of impeccable before reading The Four Agreements.
One level of operating with the first agreement is speaking with integrity. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This tends to be the more common interpretation of Be Impeccable with Your Word.
A deeper level of understanding is to use your word to lead yourself toward truth and love. To help create more truth and love through this agreement I invite you to experiment with these exercises.
Practice Impeccable Speech with Others
When you have something to say to another person stop before speaking and ask yourself the following questions:
- is what I’m about to say true,
- is it kind and not hurtful,
- is it useful and necessary,
- is it helpful to someone
If you answer no to most of these questions, you can choose to keep your words to yourself.
This is especially powerful when it comes to self-talk. You know, that voice in your head that’s pointing out all your imperfections and keeping you in constant comparison mode.
Practice Impeccable Speech with Yourself
Notice in the course of a day how often you should on yourself. I should do this…I should do that… I should be this way…I should be that way.
Avoid using your word against yourself. Whether you speak your word aloud or think it to yourself you’re reinforcing that foundational falsehood that’s been programmed into you all your life – I’m not enough…
Ask yourself, not enough in comparison to what? The ideal person? The perfect person? That’s guaranteed to lead to suffering because there is no way to measure up. Besides that, it’s not true, it’s not kind, it’s not useful, and it’s not helpful.
“Not Enough” is the voice of the nay-sayer or Parasite as Don Miguel calls it. Understand that the Parasite has been around since humanity arrived on the planet. So there’s no need to berate yourself for falling into the trap. It’s part of the human experience but you do have the power to recognize the Parasite for what it is – a falsehood. With that realization, you can turn the lie into truth and choose to speak impeccably to yourself – I AM ENOUGH.
For instance, you might want to try the following affirmation or mantra:
I AM NOW — HAVE BEEN — AND ALWAYS WILL BE — ENOUGH!
Practice Shifting from Obligation to Optional
The above manta has served me well over the years, however, when I forget the truth of being ENOUGH and start “shoulding” on myself in my speech or thoughts I try to remember to switch the word should to can or might.
By changing one little word I’m moved from a sense of obligation that comes from comparing me to some unattainable ideal to now having an option, a choice, to align with what I choose to experience or create who I want to be. Give it a try and see if there’s a shift for you too!
If you’re curious about the other agreements, here they are:
- Don’t Take Things Personally
- Don’t Make Assumptions
- Always Do Your Best
By the way, if I’m so guided there might be a future article on one or more of the other agreements and if not, this article is ENOUGH 😉